I Wonder......

I always has this thought all of the time...

"i wonder... did the person that i have in my mind right now, always thinking about me ?"

Rosmimi

To revive this blog again, i decided to re-post the blog post which i already have in friendster. Somehow i love to make myself look pathetic.

Yep...that's her name. The one i've been talking about in my previous posts. But this time..im not going to talk about her...im going to write this post as like as im talking TO her although i know the fact that the probability she reading this blog is less then 0.000001%. Anyways..this is all about a girl that 'touch' me, change the way i see thing & more importantly become my inspiration to finish my final year project. Our fate intertwined for one and a half year and then separated into their own way.

i still remember the day i first met you, 2 days before 2006 where me & my friends discovered that McDonald UTM Skudai which open 24 hours has already operational. So on that day we decided to go there to have a dinner and that where it all began. You were stationed at the leftmost counter there and i notice that you put too much makeup. *laugh* yeah...im my opinion, you put too much face powder. But at the same time i tried to peek at your name tag and say "Mimi". Heh...what a cute surname for a cute girl. Starting form that day, i always eat there every friday night not because im free from any homework on that day, it's because i know for sure that you're working night shift on friday & a guarantee that i will see you again there. That day was the only day i go there with the intention to eat.

So every time i go there, i intentionally line up at your counter just to make sure you're the one who taking my order. And for the apple pie?...the real reason i ordered it was i can talked to you more. Sound pretty lame isnt it? but at least it worked. After a while i started to notice that you recognized me when i go there and all the credits go to my friend that intentionally sit at a table near the "Staff of The Month" and yes..i do notice you looking at me at the kitchen area, leaning you back at the table while drinking. I keep wondering why in the world i like you so much. Then after a month, all the question were answered. I like to watch how you worked where you work like there's no tomorrow...quite a contrast compare to UTM student. I love see your dedication to work thus inspire me to study even harder. There's one day that you were out of breath but still managed to take my order very well..yes, im very impressed and began to fall in love with you. But to fall in love and cant tell you my own feeling is somewhat ridiculous for a guy.

On 30/05/07, the fateful day where i last eat dinner there. I nearly asked for you phone number but the question never come out from my mouth. It only stuck at my throat...maybe i was thinking too much because 2 days earlier my friend help me by asking your phone number from you little sister and the reply was "she lost her phonethe phone was lost". Every normal man should already know when that word come out it can only be 2 things. Whether you little sister tried to protect you or your phone really lost. Im sorry if i act like a coward. And starting from that day i left you behind for nearly 7 months. I never knew 7 month can change people alot.

Then, on 04/02/07 i came back to McD UTM Skudai and no...i didnt even surprise you wearing that blue attire. It REALLY suit you well...seriously, If you think i hate to see you wearing that attire. It's the opposite actually. Did you remember the fist time you set your hair loose when you in the orange attire?. yes, you look beautiful...the reason i didnt watch you so much is because im too afraid to look at you too much because i'll look like an idiot drooling while eating if i do that. A week after that i came again and this time i manage to get your full name from one of the brown attire girl after you went home. "Rosmimi"....what a wonderful name. You want to know what happen after i know your real name?,because im too excited i forgot to turn off my car light and my car battery wore out. Heh....funny isnt it?.

On 25/02/07, it was the last time i saw you there...but i didnt went and ate inside there..i just go to the drive-thru and saw you on my side mirror, sitting at the back of the building. Even until now i still go & eat at McD UTM Skudai while hoping you were there...but i guess it already too late. From time to time i stare at your picture at the noticeboard under the ads "Speak To Us" just to burn your image in my memory. Because if you really there, i'd to say "i love you" and more importantly "thank you for everything". I think the former one is no longer meaningful but i really want to say the latter one because you did touch my life..even for 1 and a half year and no one ever touch me the way you do.

People need to make sacrifice in life..and i choose to sacrifice my feeling toward you & choose my study for the sake of my family's hope. I got a good result but i lose you forever. Why did i do this?..i cant focus 2 things at once. That is my pure weakness and i hate it so much.

...But I don't blame anyone. The regret and suffering that remained after that last encounter were also what you had given me. They're among the precious few things you left behind.

And today is the day i will walk away from your life. Im sorry for being a coward and thank you for everything.

this is the end of the story...i look pathetic isnt it?

Depressed + Annoyed = Life

It's been 2 weeks since my semester break started and still i havent heard any news about my industrial training since the company still didnt reply to yet. So i continue my holiday by playing games which i bought it last week. One of it Ace Combat Zero :The Belkan War where the storyline is about a mercenary that were hired by a defending country against the Belka army. Toward the end i found out your wingmen betrayed you and join with the terrorist faction. The last battle is a dramatic one where you fighting your wingman one-on-one till the end. The music score for the final mission is great which represent "a sad-but-true reality about war". Thanks to that game, now i feel depressed. Just im about to recover from dpression, E3 kick off at Los Angeles and i eagerly waiting to see for MGS4 new trailer. An guess what?..the trailer also a depresing one. Solid Snake finally decide to ended his own life by shoot himself through his mouth. Man, i cant watch the trailer too much...to think Solid Snake no longer return in next sequel make me sad & depressed. To add salt to the wound, i watch MGS: Portable Ops for PSP and it also a depressing trailer. It's about Big Boss from MGS3:Snake Eater where the trailer said "The tragedy of Big Boss & the rise of Outer Heaven". It seem not only his FOX unit turn against him his country also turn against him..turn against a hero that save the world 4 years ago despite his kill his mentor before knowing the truth. Now he was given the authority to create aunit to hnto down FOX unit and that unit was called FOXHOUND. And just like MGS3 endign sequence..we see Big Boss salute. Too bad this time around...his eyes only show anger rather than sadness. Well that all the event that make me feels depressed for the whole week.


Well....today, after i tried to contact the company which im going to do my industrial training. They give an unexpected answer. "We cant give the form yet because we want to make an interview first". Ok..at first i was told the im already confirm to do an industrial training there and just required to send the form for the company to fill in and send it back to me. Then after a while they decide to do an interview for the trainees. WHAT THE F**K IS THAT? . Im annoyed because my faculty forbid us to send more than 1 application and now the company decided to do a "only-god-knows-when" interview first. If they rejected or even accept me..i still need to rush to my university just to send the form which it's a pain in the arse in case they do the interview in June...

Shoot, i hate my life. Eveything is f*ck up andthere's still some people want me to be a leander...if they want a disastrous leader, fell free to contact me which i wont held any responsibilities if their life change into a full of sh*t